In my opinion, man hasn’t progressed much since prehistoric days.

We are still dumbfounded by fire.

The moment the first Cro-Magnon man barbecued a woolly rhinoceros over an open flame, we were hooked. Even though we are surrounded by modern creature comforts such as Chia pets, frozen waffles, the Clapper and edible underwear, fire still amazes us.

For proof, watch a televised cooking show. The loudest round of applause the chef receives will be when the he douses a dish with alcohol, tilts the skillet toward the gas and creates fire. For some strange reason, a flame leaping from a skillet always sends the crowd into a frenzy. It is almost as if the studio audience is instantly transformed into a tribe of fire-worshipping heathens participating in an ancient pagan ritual. “Give us fire! (Insert caveman grunting sounds here).”

The flaming of a skillet is a simple feat that any monkey could reproduce, but it garners more response from an audience than anything else.

Most of the old-line New Orleans restaurants still flambé entrées and desserts tableside. Some of the newer restaurants are getting in on the act, too. Emeril’s Delmonico, prepares Steak Diane, an old-school entrée that incorporates filet mignon, butter, garlic, homemade Worcestershire sauce, demi-glace, Creole mustard and cream. Brandy is added and then flambéed creating a series of predictable ooh’s and ahh’s throughout the dining room. Delmonico also prepares crêpe desserts tableside.

My first flambéing experience was as a waiter, not a chef. Unfortunately I wasn’t preparing Crêpes Suzette tableside when I became an accidental flambiteer. No, I was serving a round of flaming alcoholic cocktails called Italian flags. Typical protocol for such occasions is to deliver the drinks to the customers, place the drinks on the table and ignite the alcohol. After oohing and ahhing over their bonfire-in-a-glass, the customer blows out the flame and drinks what’s left of the nasty-tasting liquid, minus the alcohol, which they burned off, which is why they paid $5 for a drink in the first place.

Being one that never adhered to convention, I thought I could make a much grander impression if I lighted the drinks at the bar and walked through the dining room, drinks ablaze. “Herman, look at that waiter. He can carry flaming drinks. What skill, what table-waiting prowess, what a man. My hero! Honey, he deserves a big tip.”
   
Any physics professor worth his weight in thermodynamics will tell you that, “liquid is a substance in a condition in which it flows.” I can now tell you that the trouble with walking with flowing liquid is that it sloshes, which isn’t a problem; unless the sloshing liquid is on fire.

I made it halfway into the dining room when the first flaming drink ran over the rim of the glass. A low, steady blue flame covered my serving tray. I remained calm as I continued to slosh my way through the dining room, not only with flaming drinks, but now with a flaming tray. By the time I reached the table a third drink had spilled and a small stack of paper cocktail napkins on my tray caught afire. Time for Plan B … run!

Left with no face-saving alternative, I begged my customers pardon and ran through the restaurant leaving a trail of smoke from the dining room to the kitchen. I threw the flaming tray in the bus pan which then caught fire because of a pile of renegade cloth napkins that had been shoved in the bottom of it. At that point, smoke was billowing throughout the kitchen. Amazingly enough I kept my job.

Burning alcohol always seems to ignite that primal inner-flame that exists in each of us. My friend Billy Ralph Winghead walked into a bar and ordered 12 flaming shots of whiskey. The waiter lined them up on the bar and Billy Ralph began to drink them one after another as quickly as he could. The bartender asked, “What’s wrong, buddy? Why are you drinking those so fast?”

“You’d be drinking fast if you had what I have,” Billy Ralph answered.

“What do you have?” asked the bartender.

“Eighty-seven cents.”


Lemon Crêpes

Crêpe Filling

1 1/2 pounds cream cheese, softened at room temperature
3/4 cup sugar
2 tablespoons finely grated lemon zest
2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
12 crêpes

Combine all ingredients (except crêpes) and blend until smooth. Preheat oven to 325 degrees. Fill the crêpes by placing the cream cheese mixture in a pastry bag and piping a 1-inch by 1-inch tube down the center of each crêpe. Roll the crêpes and place them on a lightly buttered baking sheet, non-stick is preferable. Cover the crêpes with a sheet of wax paper and cover the entire wax paper-covered baking sheet with a sheet of aluminum foil. Bake for six to seven minutes just until center is warm. While crêpes are baking, make the sauce.


Lemon Sauce

1/2 pound butter, unsalted
1/2 cup sugar
2 tablespoons freshly squeezed lemon juice
1/4 cup brandy

In a medium skillet, melt butter over medium-high heat. Add sugar and cook until it begins to dissolve. Add lemon juice and whisk together ingredients. Add brandy and carefully ignite. When flame subsides, lower heat slightly and cook for four to five minutes, until thick and creamy. Place warm crêpes on serving dishes and spoon the heated sauce over them. Garnish with fresh raspberries and mint. Makes six to eight servings.